[Upon noticing that roommate just came in through the door]
Me: Oh weird, I thought you’ve been home for an hour already. I guess it was just the noise of our neighbors I heard.
S: Oh that’s just the ghost of my virginity that follows me around.
"I say that I have a swimmer’s body, but so does Shamu."
"I like men how I like my coffee, not my urine."
In April of 2011, I needed a permanent roommate to take an empty bedroom. I put “LGBT friendly” in the post to show friendliness. I received an e-mail from a 24 year old guy who I will call S. S wrote: “I am very LGBT friendly, considering I am gay myself.” I thought it was witty. We clicked, and he moved in at the beginning of May. The quotes fell out of his mouth almost immediately. I warned him that his quotes were going to end up on Tumblr. Never, ever threaten a theater major with attention.